Whether it’s your wedding budget or the venue’s maximum capacity, you’ll inevitably face the ordeal of figuring out how to cut down your wedding guest list. It’s one of the least enjoyable parts of planning a wedding and can certainly cause some tension if you don’t start off with ground rules. Prioritize the people who are an important part of your life and don’t feel pressured to invite others. After all, it’s your day and your guest list should reflect that. True friends will understand if you can’t invite all the plus ones! Let me offer some of my expert advice for how to cut down your wedding guest list without offending family and friends.
Establish a VIP List to Cut Down Your Wedding Guest List
Your first step when deciding on your wedding guest list is to make sure you don’t somehow overlook an important person in your count. You and your partner can each include a non-negotiable VIP list. This usually includes immediate family, such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, and best friends. This might also extend to your aunts, uncles, and first cousins. It will be different for everyone depending on who you’ve bonded with throughout your life!
Then, create a second list of people who you would love to invite if you have the space and budget. This would include extended family, your friends’ significant others, etc. Lastly, create an ordered third list of people to invite who you enjoy seeing, but might not hang out with that often. Think: your parents’ friends, coworkers who you get along with, and exercise class buddies. Creating a tiered list of potential guests will help you make cuts later down the line when you need to be ruthless.
Sorry, No Kids Invited
This is one of the first places you can start reducing the guest list. Some families have two to three kids each, so the numbers really start to add up. Your guests will understand that wedding celebrations usually involve a ceremony, loud music, and late night partying, which might not be the best atmosphere for children. Perhaps you can even have your grandma be the flower girl if you want to stick to the no-kids policy. Just make sure you indicate this on the save the dates so that people can plan ahead for childcare. With enough notice, your guests with families will still be able to attend.
No Plus-Ones
Although people don’t like to go to parties alone, this is a good option to reduce guest count. It’s your wedding celebration and should be full of people you love. You may not even know many of the plus-ones in the first place! People will often invite a stranger to a wedding for a first date. Don’t feel bad, they’ll have plenty of fun with everyone else. If you’ve been friends with a couple for a long time, then just address the invitation to both parties to make sure there isn’t any confusion. Cut out the stranger attendance by not having a plus-one option included on the invitations. If people reach out later to see if they can bring someone, just let them know that you have a strict guest count and that you’ve only accounted for them alone.
Eliminate Acquaintances or People You Don’t Really Talk To
Just because they’re distant family, doesn’t mean you’re required to invite them. You have to cut down your wedding list somewhere. Trust me, I have a huge family and had to draw a line because my wedding venue simply couldn’t accommodate everyone we know. A general rule of thumb is that if you haven’t spoken to the relative in a few years, then don’t include them on your guest list. You’re not in charge of organizing a family reunion, it’s your wedding celebration.
You also don’t need to feel obligated to invite coworkers and friends of friends just because they know you’re engaged. If they have an ounce of social tact, they probably won’t press you on the matter. Perhaps an exception to this rule could be inviting someone that you’ve really felt the urge to reconnect with. It’s a great way to invite them back into your life.
What to Say If Someone Who Isn’t Invited Asks…
What if you run into your aunt’s best friend at the grocery store?! She hasn’t seen you in years, but gets regular updates from your family and asks you, “When’s the wedding?” Unfortunately…she didn’t make the wedding guest list cut. A polite way of phrasing an answer to this question if someone wasn’t invited is to let them know that it’s an intimate ceremony with a limited budget and/or seating capacity. They’ll get the hint without stressing about it. Also, don’t fall victim to family peer pressure! You’ll encounter this a lot during the wedding planning process.
How To Cut Down Your Wedding Guest List
As a wedding planner, this is something I’m always helping my couples figure out. It’s different for everyone, as we all have unique family structures and friend groups. You mainly just want to make sure that you and your partner feel fully represented by the guest list. One person is inevitably more of a social butterfly, so you’ll just have to sit down and sort through the people that you feel truly bonded to. It’s tough at first, but sticking to your budget is way better than spending money you don’t have to impress people you’ve only seen a few times in your life. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for more helpful hints on how to navigate wedding etiquette…and more!
